"Babumoshai, zindagi badi honi chahiye, lambi nhi"
(Babumoshai, life need not be long,
but big)
For any Indian movie buff this dialogue cannot be so infamous and no one could have done this better than Rajesh Khanna and my Dad.
This is my dad smiling so big and standing proud beside me. His smile made me believe, he is the strongest person, my own personal Thor and no harm can ever come close to us as long he is with us. My relationship with Dad grew strong when I was graduating. We became friends from here and would sit for a long time discussing career plans. We grew more close when I started working and taking advice from him was the best motivation. He was the one I knew will always defend me no matter how wrong I am and cracking political jokes with him was our cup of tea. But little did I know behind this smile a lot of pain was hiding. He never shared much of his health issues with friends, family, me nor to my mother. His fave punchline was, 'Kichu hoyeni' (nothing has happened).
During one of the months in the year of 2018 when my dad used to live in Noida, New Delhi, my in laws paid a visit to him. Dad greet them warmly pampering them with lot of delicacies. He even gave my father in law a bike tour around the vicinity. They all had a good time. Days later my father in law was shocked to know that my dad was diagnosed with cancer and his surgery was in the following week. He was more shocked to know that my dad didn't gave them a single hint that he was not well or he is worried about his health instead Dad gave them the best of his time.
He wanted people to treat him like he is hale and hearty instead of worrying around his health and treat him like a old man with a stick. He would still smile and laugh like doctors cracked a temporary joke. He would still plan going around the world and I would be amazed to see his optimism.
Since then my dad won the badge of bravery!
My dad got cured from the cancer which was like god gifted him back to us. I decided to give him all the joy of the world. The same year Anika was born and he was so grateful to god to keep him alive just to see and hold Anika.
Ani put all his effort to bring him to Atlanta, USA, to our home. That whole one month was Disneyland for us, days of frolic and fun. With my two favorite men, my hubby and my father I was on cloud 9 every day.
Ani made sure he gave my dad all the best wine tasting and world wide food experience. We stayed in cottage in Smokies, we played with waves in beach, walked on sands, saw movies, enjoyed museum and filled our iphone with endless pics.
My dad's happiness was always limited when some one tried to snatch him away again. Year 2019 his kidney stopped functioning all of a sudden and he was in ICU unconscious, battling between life and death. At one point I felt pity for my mom who was tired of running in hospital but never said anything. She still prayed to bring him back. After several attempt to save him when the doctors announced not to keep high hope, I came rushing to India. I travelled for the first time alone with Anika and that was the most tiring and longest flight in my life.
A miracle happened again. He got another bonus year. He knew he can't die until he fulfil his one last duty-to get my sister married. He knew he cant punish her like this and leave her with void.
Year 2019 my sister got married. My dad fulfilled all the duties, rituals, blessed the groom and stayed with us for another year with dialysis going along. Even though when he kept his smile big I knew his health is getting worse. The dialysis was not meant for him especially for a jovial man like him and it was killing him each day.
To add to the worst, covid came uninvited the following year and we got distanced from each other. While I yearn so much to meet him the lockdown and worldwide panic kept us away. Deep inside I had the feel I wont be able to see him again. Somewhere a voice keep telling me, my dad wont live long. Many times I used to get up with tears in my eyes and I grew so helpless that I would call my sister saying, 'please do something, I am always sad these days'.
I grew bitter day by day and start arguing a lot with Ani. I started doing regular video call with my dad and wanted to tell him, 'Please don't leave us'
But I guess he was too tired now to smile. He was tired of the frequent dialysis and numerous injections. He was tired for not drinking enough water. He was more annoyed with the covid panic around and unable to travel. And at last he decided to sleep in peace. The moment when I got this news that he is no more, I felt he settled like a breeze somewhere serene. I was calm, cried in somber tear and still thanking god for giving bonus years to my dad. I also thanked god for freeing him from pain and letting him smile like he mean it.
My dad deserves his rest.
I am sure many of you are wondering about my precious mom. While her story is still unfolding please know that she is safe, happy and smiling. We are doing everything in our power to be sure her days are filled with as much joy as possible.
