A year has gone without my dad. 365 days of walking around with a void in my chest. A year without hearing him again. Though I see him a lot in my dreams, in my thoughts, in my photo books, in my memories, I miss listening to his sound of laugh and all his jokes. I miss hearing him calling out my name and still telling him-Arey daddy aapko kuch bhi nhi aata. His voice was all that could uplift me and made me feel so special.
As the months are going away I am recollecting if I have done enough for you? If I have given my best to make you happy in your lifetime? If I have pampered with enough gifts. Being from typical Indian family all I regret is that we have never hugged each other. It was either a light pat from him on my shoulder or just a tight handshake or a loud hi five. Why was I so shy to hug you dad?
There are times I do feel jealous seeing other’s dad and kids still together. Oh yes, I am being honest here I do feel jealous and lot angry and then a tear of wound will drop from my eyes-hu was my happy picture picked to remain incomplete?
What angers me the most is people asking me-how is your mom deepika? It piss me so much because it reminds me of the puzzle piece is missing from family board. Why can’t you people still treat us as complete family and still ask-how are your parents?
I mourn for you everyday and all that joys you were robbed of...
I guess I’ll always be partially a little girl missing her dad like crazy and wishing he could swoop in and save the day…
I promise to take your memory along for every part of the ride. I will love you fiercely until I am burned in that same fire. I am forever changed by losing you and yet I only am who I am to begin with because of you. My broken heart is the same one that has loved you since the day I was born. You are forever my king and I am forever your little girl.
We are here for mom and making the most of it with her.
Another six months gone and my girl is a year old today. Even if I want to express my joy writing that she has grown up to a toddler I feel a hidden pain inside. Every month I see a bit of my motherhood going away. Sometimes by acknowledging she no longer needs baby milk, sometimes by perceiving she can now stand without my support. Sometimes by seeing she can hold her bottle on her own other times by knowing she can now play and explore free and wild.
The baby duffel bag is getting empty and the light weight of it is telling me that this too shall be be forgotten and tossed away in a corner. I will be able to wear heels and carry my fave handbags again. I will be able to wear necklace and keep my hair untied. I will be able to do hundred things again but will the joy be the same?? or will it be a constant reminder that once upon a time I used to carry someone so close to me. I guess i will surely miss the pulling of my hair strands, collar buttons, the snatching of earrings and spewing on my sleeves. Ah! the list goes on.
Before I start missing another zillion things I must celebrate her year of first. Our sweet girl turned one in August last year, and I wanted to do an inexpensive DIY cake smash and first birthday shoot, so I scoured Pinterest for ideas! Since cake smash sessions can be pretty expensive I decided to do it myself and save some money. Don’t be afraid to have your own photo shoots and cake smashes with your babes!! It’s nice to have the professional first birthday pictures, but if you don’t have the extra money to spend, you can totally do it yourself and make it amazing! Whatever you chose to do, it will be so special. I brought a full size cake from Kroger's and sprinkled it all over like I did on her six months birthday cake. (Oh! the memory washed me in nostalgia when we were celebrating her half birthday with half cake and she could barely sit up or move).
I was little curious how will she react to a cake? Will she just ignore it, get scared or be clueless seeing a puddle of cream and crumbs. Instead we were surprised to see her digging into the cake and gobble up handful of calories!! The fun part was to enjoy her expressions as she smashed and licked the frosty disaster. She created a beautiful mess!!
Happy birthday Anika.
We celebrate everything about you and love you one hundred red M&Ms.
As the babyhood is seeping away and my girl is growing up i know there will be hundred of things i will miss forever. A week before she picked up the motor skill of turning on her stomach and back. That sensational moment when she looked into my eyes and i thought she said, mamma i am growing up! And something is surely wrong when i am saying, 'not so fast please, baby.
I never got a moment to list down updates about her growing up activities and today when my lady marking her sixth month i must pen down things i shall miss. Her curled up toes where i never stop kissing and her smurf like hair where i always nudge my nose to get more of her scent. Her bubbly cheeks smelling of baby talcum and sometimes of milk is always delicious to smooch and give a soft bite. Those dainty fingers entangled in my hair never hurt me even if i have to lose few strands. Being such a spewer i am never annoyed if she ruins my fine leather coat. Her buttoned eyes searching for me making me feel important and that electric smile of joy when she sees her daddy bring us all more closer. Her helpless cry coaxing us to pick her up and smothering her with kiss is never tiring. oh! yes she loves being squeezed too.
What was life before you. It was a void. You made us a somebody!
And before that milestone comes when i will no longer behold these dreams i should celebrate her six months birthday indeed. For all the joys you gave us, for reviving our life, for giving us more reasons to laugh and waking up to another beautiful day you surely deserve a cake!
The cake has a funny story behind. Since i was so involved with my baby and house chore i barely could place an order for cake. I wanted to make it grand no less than an ordinary birthday, so what to do one day before? I rushed to Krogers a day before and brought the five dollar cream coated cake. Ani was like why this cake? But i knew what i was doing. the night before i cut the cake into half placing it on top of other half. Coating it well with remaining icing(that i had removed from the lower half cake) i embellish it with rainbow sprinkles and tadaaa here it was the fantabulous cake.
I did a little more DIY cutting out 1/2 from golden paper and look how graceful it came out!
Thanks to Marshalls which always surprise us with new stocks for baby. I was so glad to get what i was actually looking for, a light babyish fuchsia and lot of glitter. I could only keep staring at how beautiful my girl looked and could not stop clicking. Because i never let go of a day blowing kisses in her toes i could not help adorning her feet. My DSLR is almost full with her toes and flower strings and since i cannot upload all of them i have handpicked the best for you.
This was my adorable, beautiful, naughty, little girl's half year mark. She had a fun cake smash.
Me and daddy loves you very much.
